


Of Ash and Smoke

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Flashbacks, Heartbreak, M/M, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-19 16:02:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18137897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: After the battle of Crait, Poe struggles with his new responsibilities as Resistance Leader, as well as his having to go up against Kylo Ren.





	Of Ash and Smoke

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: Special thanks to Jessa for helping me when I was stumped for titles.

_The knock on the door wakes him up, and Poe is all but stumbling towards the door, still in his pajamas, mumbling about getting it. BB-8 is already on alert, beeping frantically. Poe opens the door, and BB-8 starts beeping in shock when the door reveals a shaking, tearful Ben._

_“What happened?” Poe says._

_“I — I didn’t mean to — it all happened so fast — I — ”_

_”Ben, slow down,” Poe says. “It’s okay.” He doesn’t know what exactly happened, but he’s going to do what he can to comfort Ben. “Come here...”_

_He embraces Ben tightly, and he realizes that Ben’s smelling of smoke and ash. What happened?_

_Eventually, he draws away, and he says, “Ben...I’m just going to make you some caffa if you want any.”_

_Ben nods. He seems to be coming back to himself. Whatever happened — did the hut catch on fire? — must have been pretty bad._

_He takes sips of his caffa, and Poe notices that he seems to be listening for something. Listening too attentively, Poe can’t help but think._

_Finally, he turns to Poe. “I have to leave soon.”_

_”What?” Poe feels like he’s been shot. “You can’t just leave, Ben. It’s not...right.” It’s not fair, he wants to say, but the words aren’t quite coming out right._

_“I have to,” Ben says. “To finish my training. The Temple’s gone, Poe.”_

_His voice shakes a little, and Poe swears that Ben can’t look Poe in the eye. Poe wants to ask him to tell him the truth, to know that he’d still love him (because he does) even if he’d done something terrible because it makes no sense, but he would._

_Ben continues. “There’s someone who can. He’s powerful and wise, and he can...fix me. I was never a good Jedi.”_

_”Don’t say that about yourself.”_

_”No, Poe, it’s true. I wasn’t. But he can help me.”_

_”I’ll go with you,” Poe says. He doesn’t know what he’s doing; he just doesn’t want Ben to leave him._

_Ben looks at him. “You’ll have to stay behind this time. Keep the New Republic strong. You’re too bright of a light to survive the journey.”_

_”You don’t think — ”_

_”You’re too rare,” Ben says. “Too wonderful to not be preserved. And the journey ahead will only be difficult.”_

_”Then don’t go,” Poe says._

_“I have to complete my training. But I will come back. I promise, Poe.”_

_Ben hugs him tightly, and Poe makes sure to memorize the smell of ash and smoke clinging to Ben’s clothes because as horrible as it is, at least it’ll keep Ben in his memory._

_“You’ll always be my best friend,” Ben says. “And we will see each other again. I promise.”_

_Poe clings to that knowledge long after Ben leaves._

***

They do see each other again — twice. Once is on Jakku, though Poe has no idea who he is. There, on the Finalizer, Kylo Ren forces past everything Poe’s been taught about mental defenses against Dark Side users, and forces Poe to relive his worst memories until Poe swears that he’ll die of the pain. You can’t die of madness. But Poe swears he’ll possibly do it. 

The next is Crait, when Poe recognizes the familiar face, if scarred from what Rey did to it. Black hair, tall, now dressed in black instead of white. But it is Ben. Poe does an admirable job keeping his cool, all things considered. 

But it’s on the Falcon, in the privacy of his room, that he loses it. He kicks a stray box that holds Ben’s things. Stars willing he wants to trash it, and he picks it up, ready to —

— and he can’t. He looks at it, the delicate wooden box, and he can’t smash it. It’s like the last piece of Ben, and he can’t sacrifice it.

It’s sitting on the bed that he looks over Ben’s belongings. The ruins of his old calligraphy set that Han got him for his seventeenth Naming Day back when Ben’s passionate-hobby-of-the-moment was calligraphy. Old paintings, when Ben was into art. Things like that. 

They’re bits and pieces of Ben, things that Poe can’t sacrifice. So he safely stores them, under the bed. It’s tempting to forget Ben. And yet...

And yet, even as he struggles to get to sleep, Poe finds that he’s unable to. 


End file.
